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  1. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles
  2. SINGLETUDE – There is no ecstasy like Destiny

I was born to make manifest the glory of God that is within me. And as I let my own light shine, I unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. Yeah who am I not to shine? I want to openly apologize for my temporary state of normal. I promise to shine bright like a diamond. I have decided that I will begin again. This time will be better than ever because I know the expensive cost of distraction and I will not let it slow me down again. Thank you to my family and friends for supporting me and allowing me a moment to regroup and also for not letting me stay there.

As you all know I have been praying for my husband. Well to be honest lately, not so much. But not at all like times when I was intentionally praying and seeking God on the best ways to saturate him with my prayers or how I can cover him with the word of God. If you remember several post ago, I told yall I was instructed to pray for my husband.

I also told yall I believe I know who he is. Because I know who he is I get to see things play out in real time right before my face and biblically I am helpless to intervene unless instructed by the Holy Spirit. At least not with that person, I shared my thoughts with the people I trust and now yall and after pleading my case their response was……Trust God!

I was whoa, yes I do! God you know me and how much trust and faith I place in you. The response I got back was very clear. Silence from me, I started to realize I had an issue because things were not working the way I thought they should. God had answered every prayer I had and as I look over it, the only thing not working was my trust in the process. How could I have missed that the only person in error was me. What if his prayers for me mirrored mine?

Wow, that would suck big time. I reminded of Elijah, how he prophesized that it would rain, seven times his servant went down before he saw the cloud. God made a promise, after seven times looking for the promise it started to happen.

First as a small cloud then the abundant blessing of rain came. So openly I am asking God to forgive me for my disobedience. I will continue on the course of action that he told me. Dear Heavenly Father I pray your abundant grace surrounds him like a shield that your name be his banner. That you are his Jehovah Jireh in every situation and that his focus is on You. Today I add that my focus is on the assignment that you placed on my life and I thank you for your Grace through this process.

I trust you God!

Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles

Holy Spirit help my unbelief. I told you guys on Fight song that I would unpack the Handsome issue. Well here it is. During my funky time I had found out some news about him. Yup he said it himself. I will not go into exactly what he said, at least not yet but it really took me back. I spoke to my team friends I respect they all seemed to think it was small and absolutely not a deal breaker. I had the side eyes look at the situation. I was totally confused. I will explain why. I was doing the Snow White, Prince Charming thing! Realty set in and I was faced to view the real facts. Shoot sometimes in my case they take a detour and get lost.

Whether I see it or not! I was going into shut down mode real fast. Being single is working so how about I go back to focusing on that for now. While that is not a bad idea at all the reason behind wanting to do so is. So I prayed again you know prayer really works and expressed my feelings about the situation and reached out to God for wisdom. A friend asks me to listen to a link, so I did and it blew me away.

This is not the time to give up on the promise! Just like Caleb and Joshua after returning from viewing the promise land. There were obstacles in their way and instead of viewing those obstacles as a denial of the promise they chose to only believe God and so will I! He never said it would be easy.

Wage war on anything that will try and stand in the way of what was confirmed by God, then… just like God told them…. Today I woke up in a funk! There is nothing missing and nothing broken yet I could not shake this feeling. I started trying to assess what would be causing this. Yeah this is around the time my mom passed June 4 th and yeah I found out some news about handsome that had me question everything God said.

Yeah some of my projects are not where I would like them to be. Oh and my air conditioning went out in my car and its hot! So I guess you could say I have good reason to feel funky. Well today I chose to take a dose of my own medicine. Thank you, to all of you who are thinking…sheesh! That is a lot! While it may be, I choose to believe that there is so much more to be happy and have joy about than those things I have no control over. Sure I miss my mommy but she would want me to do my best!

Handsome…well that will be another post! There is a fight or flight response and I am choosing to fight! I will not allow things no matter what to put me in a funky mood anymore. Funky moods are a part of life. But how we react to them is our decision. We can choose to fall into it and feel sad and funky, or we can acknowledge that we have the ability to control our moods.

I take back control. In the name of Jesus, I thank you that in your word it says that I am more than a conqueror. Today I stand on your word and put on your full Armor. I choose to be a victor in every situation. I know it is not a bad thing to have negative emotions, however I choose not to allow them to rule me. I allow my faith in You to override any feeling, circumstance and event. You are my father and are always looking out for me.

You said that you are Jehovah Jireh my provider and I believe you! I decree my best days and my blessed days are now! God forgive you if you make the mistake of letting me know ahead of time what the gift was. I already knew how I was going to play with it, wear it, ride it…. You feel me I played all the scenarios of how I would handle the gift. The bad part about this characteristic in me is then I would become inpatient!

Days felt like weeks, minutes hours then doubt would set in, like did she pick it up on time, did the store run out of the item. Oh, what was once a happy feeling would go dark in the craziness of my mind really quick.

Then the day would come, I would receive the gift, and all was good again. What do you mean? There was all kinds of craziness going on inside my head. I mean if you can think of your worst fears then multiply it by 10, yup that is what was going on in my head! I started to question that I heard the Holy Spirit correctly. I mean come on, Fear just said something is wrong! And we all know how correct Fear is! Once I let Fear, Doubt and anxiety in the car. Those three dudes together are a bad group of people to hang around even for a short period of time. Just, before I allowed Doubt, Fear and Anxiety to ambush me with their negativity again, I invited two of my own friends Faith and Patience in the car as well.

This allowed me to take control of my thoughts, and I opened my mouth and began to pray these simple words. I know your voice was clear. That was all I needed to get my thoughts back on track. Honestly, I released all the negative thoughts and kicked Fear, Doubt and Anxiety out my car and locked the door. As Faith and Patience remained, they reminded me that it is not my job to figure out how all this stuff is going to work nor is it my job to know all the details.

Shoot the only thing that is my job is to focus on everything God has instructed of me. In that moment I made a choice to accept the promise of God! I realized I was spending way too much time on something that I had no control over. So I let it Go! And I let God continue to work out his perfect will. Get to the point!!!! Not even two days later, I received an email from him!

Yup, I was hype! I could hear the words of Dr. HE had been working it out this whole time. Ok, this is different. I went from being successfully single to now having to think about a life with you. While the thought that you are close is extremely exciting this process is strange. Not in a bad way. However, it is still strange. It is a totally mind recalculation.

I am faced with many things that I am not sure many singles take into consideration when preparing for a spouse. Preparing my life for you goes deeper then thinking about all the fun things we will get to enjoy together. I am having fun now! So I had to ask myself are you prepared for the work. Sure, marriage allows us the opportunity to worship be intimate legally as a couple but there is so much more to becoming one.

It is not until you are faced with an issue when you are challenged to be ready. Recently, a married women sought council from me and the entire time I am listening to her all I could do was put myself in her place and ask what would I do if I were in that situation. I have to tell you I felt all kinds of anxiety over the scenario.

She agreed with him and decided not to do it. I gave her great council but even hearing the words that came out of my mouth to her in our session. Seek out other survivors. Even though Marie has had a hard time finding new friends, her strongest friendship right now seems to be with another survivor of serious illness.

As Marie notes, the beauty of the Internet is that it brings together virtually people who can't be together physically. Lots of communities have real-life support groups for people suffering from specific illnesses or injuries ask your doctor for a referral , but if you aren't able to leave the house for even a limited time, an online support group is the next best thing. If you're suffering from a relatively rare disorder, the Internet might even be the best thing.

Some people who haven't ever been part of an online message board or mailing list may be dismissive of friendships formed this way, but those who've participated in groups like this know that they can provide tremendous reserves of inspiration, empathy, caring, and even humor. Friendships established through this medium, especially those that continue via email, IM, phone, and, eventually, in-person meetings, can be just as deep as friendships that form in the "real world," if not more so. Because other people in a support group understand what you're going through since they have the same concerns.

They're likely to be more interested in your progress, more tolerant of your limitations, and more open to developing friendships because they're in the same boat with you, experiencing the same hardships. To find the right online support group for you, search Yahoo! Groups , Google Groups , Facebook Groups , Yuku , or any other site that has message boards, email lists, or chat. You might also run a search for web sites dedicated to the illness or injury you're suffering from.

Online foundations may include forums. If you don't find what you're looking for, you can start your own group or maybe even your own blog or web site! Make friends with Craig-- Craigslist , that is--and post an ad for a friend in similar circumstances in the Strictly Platonic section. In addition, lots of free dating sites such as PlentyofFish and OkCupid allow users to search for "pen pals," "friends," or "activity partners" and set their profiles accordingly. You can briefly explain your lifestyle in your profile and specify that you want to find others in the same situation.

If you choose to sign up at a dating site, though, don't be surprised if many of the members you encounter expect "friendship" to be an intermediate step to something more. Don't forget the 'Net for other interests, too. Just because you're housebound doesn't mean you have to give up your interests and passions. The Web is a wonderful gathering place to discuss art, entertainment, sports, politics, or whatever else is on your mind.

Although you may not find close friends among online communities built around special interests, not all conversation needs to be of the deep, soul-baring variety. In the "real world," most of our interaction is based on light small talk, and we need these kinds of loose relationships as much as we need strongly rooted friendships.

The Internet allows housebound singles to continue participating in those broad social circles without setting foot out of the house. Furthermore, because communication isn't in real-time, those who struggle with pain, discomfort, or fatigue are free to respond at their leisure. And perhaps the best thing about the Internet is that it doesn't discriminate. Housebound singles can freely express themselves without worrying that others will perceive them through the filter of their physical problems.

You can find online forums for your hobbies and passions in some of the same places you found forums for the housebound. Also investigate large hub sites devoted to your interest, such as IMDb for movies or Care2 for environmental and social causes. Additionally, many companies, TV and radio stations, and print publications have web sites that encourage commentary and discussion.

As much as your friends and family want to help, it may be hard for them to understand or cope with the physical and emotional pain that are part of your daily life as a housebound single. A mental health counselor can offer you a sympathetic ear and a safe place to vent your frustration. She or he may also be able to suggest new ways to find social support, keep your current relationships strong, or meet routine challenges more effectively on your own.

If you're depressed or anxious as a result of the changes in your lifestyle, a therapist can help you overcome that, too. In Marie's case, a counselor helped her to accept that she was not at fault for the distance that had grown between her and her friends and introduced her to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ACT , which, according to the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science, is "a behavioral intervention to help people learn strategies to live life more in the present, more focused on important values and goals, and less focused on painful thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Enjoy your own company. As Marie's story illustrates, we can't necessarily change the behavior or reactions of others, but we can always change our own way of thinking. Whether or not you're chronically ill, disabled, or housebound, you probably already know that because it's the key to being happy as a single. Singles with singletude can be content in a coupled world because we've changed our thinking--we no longer believe if we ever did that a romantic relationship is the only route to a fulfilling life.

SINGLETUDE – There is no ecstasy like Destiny

When illness or injury strikes, we can use this same attitude to inform how we confront our limitations. While everyone needs some contact with other people, sometimes we confuse our social needs with the desire to be popular, the obligation to fit in, or the fear of being alone with our own thoughts. The next time you feel lonely, ask yourself if it's because you truly miss and want to interact with certain people or because you're afraid of feeling bored, excluded, abnormal, or "uncool" if you don't take up your place in the social pecking order on Saturday nights.

Chances are that, at least some of the time, your "loneliness" will be revealed as insecurity about being alone. With a newfound awareness of the difference between being a lone individual and a lonely individual, you can use your time by yourself to explore interests and ideas you never knew you had. Before long, you may discover that you like being alone and embracing the opportunities it affords to set your own schedule, choose your own projects, and work, think, plan, relax, or dream undisturbed. There's a lot you can accomplish at home on your own. For examples, see " Top Ten Hobbies for Singles.

You might also try writing a list of all the things you can do in your time alone that your friends can't and hang it somewhere you can see it every day. Socializing remains challenging for singles who are housebound. You can't complete a step program to guarantee that your old friends will stay in touch or order new friends from Amazon.


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But there are measures you can take to encourage the survival of existing friendships and the growth of new ones. Beyond that, you can embrace the circumstance in which you find yourself as an opportunity instead of a limitation. Most people spend each day racing from place to place, often hassled by thoughtless, uncaring people wherever they go.

However, the housebound single has a rare chance to experience a degree of autonomy and peace that others may never know. Remember, your home is your castle. Isn't it nice to live like royalty every day? Are you housebound and single, or do you know someone who is? If so, what have you done or what has your acquaintance done to stay in touch with friends and family or make new friends? Have you or has your acquaintance found any new activities that can be enjoyed at home alone?

What do you do or what does your acquaintance do when loneliness strikes? Has the housebound lifestyle required a mental shift of sorts and, if so, can you describe that process? Posted by Clever Elsie at 2: Awhile ago, "Marie" name changed for privacy of Footloose Femails , a Yahoo! There are a number of reasons why one might be housebound, most of them involving physical or mental disabilities.

Occasionally, people also find themselves spending a lot of time at home when living in a remote location or telecommuting, which can be similar to, though not quite the same as, being truly unable to set foot out the door. When you're single and live alone, the challenges of a housebound lifestyle are compounded. Previously, in " Single in Sickness and in Health: Prepare for Medical Emergencies ," Singletude covered some of the steps single individuals can take to prepare physically for long-term health issues that limit mobility.

But the emotional consequences of living single and housebound are harder to address, especially when many singles rely on activities outside the home to meet their social needs.

I don't think Marie realized it when she asked, but I've been largely housebound since I developed a long-term illness in September. I'm able to go out, but, for various reasons, going out is not that comfortable or convenient for me, so I don't do it a lot. New Year's Eve was my first night out in quite awhile, and by the time the evening wrapped up, I was starting to feel pretty uncomfortable.

I'm already learning ways to cope with my isolated lifestyle, but since I've only lived this way a short time, I don't consider myself that knowledgeable on the subject. So, I knew some research was in order. My first instinct was to search the Web, where I found a lot of information about navigating the health care system, applying for social security, workman's compensation, or other benefits, and securing one's legal rights via a living will, power of attorney, etc.

Unfortunately, this wealth of information didn't extend to solutions for maintaining a healthy social life while housebound, particularly when single. So I put out a call for housebound individuals who live alone to take part in an interview. I received several responses from housebound singles, who generously sent me emails, blog links, and excerpts from their writing. What emerged was a picture of single people living relatively disconnected lives. It was amazing how soon after the onset of serious illness or injury these individuals saw their friends and loved ones start to drift away!

Unfortunately, none of them wished to be interviewed for the blog. That's when I realized that I had overlooked my best source of information, one that had been in front of me all along--Marie! I asked to interview her, and she kindly consented. For 12 years, Marie, age 43, has suffered from the effects of lymphoma, encephalitis, and a benign brain tumor that have left her housebound with debilitating, chronic pain, fatigue, and memory loss.

When she was diagnosed, she was a popular young woman, "very social" with "lots of friends" and a boyfriend she was planning to marry. But the onset of her illness forced her to quit her job, and within two years, the strain of it took a toll on her relationship, which disintegrated. She has since decided to remain single.

Unable to manage the illness entirely on her own, Marie moved back in with her mother, who lives in a separate wing of the house, an arrangement that suits them both. However, Marie rarely sees friends--once every two or three months, at best. For two years after she became ill, she could still manage afternoons out, but this diminished to a two-hour maximum after another three years, and now she only leaves the house for short daily walks, medical appointments, occasional visits to her brother, and once-in-a-blue-moon shopping trips.

If her friends want to see her, they have to make the effort to come to her, and most have proven unable or unwilling to extend themselves over time. Another difficulty has been that friends find it hard to relate to her life. Explaining how her social circle has dwindled, Marie says, "At the same time as I got sick my good friends got married, moved, and soon had children--so our lives began to take on a completely different route--that ultimately, drastically, affected the friendship I have lost all but a handful of friends, and those friendships have lost their 'spark.

Throughout her prolonged illness, Marie's social refuge has been the Internet and, to a lesser extent, sewing circles and writing workshops when she was still reasonably mobile. Yet she has only made one new friend in 12 years, another patient whom she met through an online medical support group. This is now the friend that Marie sees most often. Marie's frustration is palpable when she says, "This is despite making a LOT of effort to make new friends--to find local hobby groups to join and hopefully, in time, to make a friend or two Being housebound for so long has ruined many of my friendships and I have a regular, if not daily, feeling of 'loneliness' that can be fleeting or last for a few hours.

As stated before, I'm still new to the "housebound" lifestyle, which I put in quotes because I'm not nearly as housebound as some, so I'm not sure I have any valuable insight into how to form and maintain friendships in these very special circumstances. But next time, I'll offer some suggestions based on what I've heard from Marie and the other housebound singles who responded to my request, as well as on my own ideas, some of which I've already started to implement.

Whether you're a single who's technically housebound or just isolated from your friends and family for some other reason, perhaps these ideas will be useful. If so, has loneliness been a problem? Have friends and family withdrawn since you or your acquaintance became housebound? Has it been hard to establish new friendships or relationships?

Posted by Clever Elsie at