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  1. Divorce Advice and Support from
  2. Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Etiquette for Special Occasions
  3. Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Etiquette for Special Occasions
  4. Co-Parenting during Special Occasions

He seemed to think he still had a claim on her. His reaction to her dating was extreme by any standard and was out of keeping with his behavior prior to that incident. His wife was singularly understanding. I think many women in her situation would have requested an order of protection, and some would have had their husbands thrown into jail.

The daughter, who had previously had a close relationship with her father, felt with good cause abandoned by him. One couple fought about everything, ending with their fighting about who would get a hassock. A number of couples have gone to court to decide visitation rights with the family dog. Other couples had trouble splitting up their wedding gifts, although they had been married for many years.

Many couples fought about their children having spent too much time in the company of someone their ex-spouse was dating; and, in some cases, they were resentful about the influence of the person their previous spouse had married. One marriage ended unexpectedly when the wife disappeared one day with all the furniture and was unreachable until the day the divorce became final. Some of these are obvious and familiar: The over-arching goal of marital counseling is not keeping the marriage intact. It is determining the best interests of the husband and wife.

Divorce Advice and Support from

Since they are still married, it is worth figuring out whether or not the marriage can be saved, and if it cannot, or should not, then how to proceed to a divorce keeping in mind the two purposes of divorce mentioned above. It is a good idea to enter into counseling even if one member of the couple is already determined to leave the marriage. There is still a lot to talk about and to arrange. When divorce is imminent, it usually follows a long period of obvious conflict.

Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Etiquette for Special Occasions

Sometimes this happens when that person is leaving to be with someone else. There should be discussions, however painful, over a period of time to allow both people to adjust to this new reality. Needless to say, there are likely to be recriminations and bitterness. It is normal for both people to be angry; but, as much as possible, the couple should strive to continue talking to each other. When it seems very likely there will be a divorce, the children should be told.

I do not think it is desirable or practical for both parents to confront the children together. The children are more likely to enter into a conversation with parents separately; but both parents should speak to the children. Divorce is always upsetting to kids, but it need not be traumatic. Sometimes, some children need special attention. It may even be the case that some children are so vulnerable for reasons usually of health that it may justify the parents remaining in what they consider a bad marriage; but this is not usually a good strategy for most marriages with children.

Cooperative Parenting and Divorce Etiquette for Special Occasions

Usually, there is a period of separation that precedes the divorce. Because of economic conditions nowadays often both husband and wife must remain living together in the same apartment or house until other financial arrangements can be made. Each person should be respectful of the feelings of the other. If possible, both should struggle not to be vengeful or spiteful.

They are likely to have to maintain something approaching an amicable relationship for some time later, especially if they share children. Coming to a financial understanding about alimony and child support begins during this period of separation. It is rare that both husband and wife will regard whatever settlement that is reached as fair; and it is not uncommon that both members feel cheated. Unless the marriage was very brief, it is inevitable, I think, that the dispute about money will continue for months and years.

It is hard to recommend a policy of good-will to the participants, who often have no good-will, but insofar as it is possible both participants should anticipate that there will be disputes about money and that they should not be allowed to undermine everything else that remains of the relationship. When an agreement is made—often by the courts—it is proper to adhere to that arrangement without pointlessly annoying the other person by delaying payments the other person is now entitled to. Needless to say, it is undesirable to develop a pattern where the financially responsible parent has to be taken to court to enforce payment.

Children, everyone agrees, should not be forced to take sides in a divorce. Feeling that can leave a permanent mark on the child.

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Visiting rights should be followed exactly. It is certainly desirable for each parent to make allowances for the changing schedule of the other parent; but these changes should be at the discretion of the person being asked to make those changes. Prior to the divorce that parent might have been in another room watching television. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon thereafter for the parent who does not have day to day custody to visit less and less frequently.

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  4. They also check with each other before making major decisions. Mothers typically had the primary residence.

    Co-Parenting during Special Occasions

    The tooth-flossing and homework happened in the primary residence. Fathers were generally weekend dads.

    Naked Divorce

    The fun, the adventures, and the playground visits occurred on the weekends. The ex-spouse was rarely mentioned at all, or statements were made with a negative or disparaging tone. There is the acknowledgement that disrespect or unkindness toward the ex-spouse hurts the children. When talking to or about the other parent, consideration is made that the other parent is, and always will be, an important and valued individual to the child.

    Here are some more examples of how communication has evolved: Talking negatively about the previous spouse in front of the kids or to other family members or friends. Talking with respect or at the least in a neutral tone about the previous spouse in public and in front of the kids.

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    When parents co-operate and keep interactions respectful, they can mitigate the negative impact of divorce and give their children the best chance at a successful future. Make some small talk - avoiding stony silence will make the time pass more quickly - but avoid taking on big issues or conflicts during these public events.

    If you want to try to limit your contact with each other, there are a few strategies you can use. First, suggest that you will arrive early and save seats. Often you need to arrive up to half an hour before a performance or event begins in order to get reasonable seating. This is an extra half hour of one-on-one conversation you can avoid if you offer to save seats and allow your ex to show up just before the starting time. Another way to make things more comfortable is to invite other people to attend.

    Depending on the dynamics of the relationships, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and significant others can allow you to sit in a group without really having to talk to your ex very much. Note however that if your mom is going to glare daggers at your ex, your former father-in-law is usually rude to you, or if your significant other makes your ex bristle with anger, it may be easy to keep things simple and get through the event without them. You employ the same strategy of arriving early and saving seats for everyone to limit contact.

    If you will be sharing a meal or attending a party together as a family afterwards, remember to maintain your low-key attitude towards your ex. Keep conversation light and friendly. Engage your child and celebrate the day's event. If other relatives have attended, inviting them along can make things easier and more celebratory.