- Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single
- Day Eleven: Why I’m Still Single (The Ugly Truth)
- “Why Am I Still Single?” 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single
With age, people tend to retreat further and further into their comfort zones. Modern women are more and more successful, accomplished and self-sufficient, which are all extremely positive developments. Yet as both men and women get more comfortable, be it financially or practically, it is also easier for them to form a bubble from which it is difficult to emerge.
It can feel harder to take risks or put themselves out there. The encouragement we feel to stay home or stay safe often comes from our critical inner voice. Have a glass of wine. Watch that show you like. No one will be attracted to you. We should take action and make an effort to get out into the world, smile, make eye contact and let friends know we are looking for someone. We should try new activities and even try dating diverse people as a means to discover new parts of ourselves and what makes us happy.
As years pass, we often develop rulebooks for ourselves regarding dating.
When we act on rules based on our past, we can create a perpetual cycle of disappointing relationships. A woman I know once dated someone with whom she had amazing chemistry. Staying open is one of the most important things we can do when looking for a loving partner. Yes, we might get hurt but when we stop taking risks, we reduce our chances of meeting someone we could really have a future with.
Relationship rules tend to go hand-in-hand with game-playing. They can lead us to act with less sincerity and authenticity, to close ourselves off from how we feel. On the other hand, staying open and honest will lead us to find a much more authentic and substantial relationship. We all carry flaws, and these vulnerabilities are especially apparent when getting close to one another. Thus, achieving intimacy is a brave battle, but it is one well-worth fighting for, each and every day, both within ourselves and, ultimately, within our relationships.
We are animals, able to roam free when we can not be honed down one individual for the rest of our lives. Why put yourself through that? YES , totally agree Roger , at 59 still single but found better not happier to be alone than being in a few in a few bad relationships I had. Some people stay single because they want to.
Some stay single because they want their undivided attention on something other than a relationship. Some stay single becasue they are forced to care for a sick parent. Some stay single to pursue higher education or jobs that will prevent them from focusing on a relationship. Some stay single because of devotion to God. People that are attractive are easier to love, but once that beauty is gone, good luck. People have a tendency to settle for whatever they think they can get. If those preconceived factors were not prevalent, than there is little chance of a love connection. It is really sad that people have to have a reason to love others.
It is called ego. Anyone can love a beautiful person, but I dare someone to love a ugly poor person with a low IQ, this world is fake and so are most of the people in it. No Richard, it takes work on both sides. Can someone please explain this? And why do women feel so guilty if a man is willing to go out of his way for her? She should feel lucky and happy. I did need that relationship to be healthy enough for me to honestly have expressed my negative opinions of those things rather than lie through my teeth, but what was needed was the effort.
The idea of self-sacrificial giving in action without sacrificing your character or personality is what is key. I agree with you that women today have unrealistic standards for men. As a single guy with a college degree in music with awards with secondary interests and experience in basic construction, physics, literature, philosophy and religion I find myself rather confused that the only women I have ever been able to attract have been… really messed up people. Partnering up is about attraction,… fortunate and true, nothing unfortunate about that. Let attraction reign for partnerships.
Being attracted to a gorgeous man or woman is not fake at all. That is what is fake. It is not fake to like it. You are confused here. That is what the reality is. Not that people are fake. That just leads to further seeking of happiness with more materialistic things. After 14 years of marriage, my ex threw me out because the agency where I worked was downsized. Being in my 50s, it is very hard to find work, I went from being part of a leadership team of an agency of over employees to driving a taxi. If you can live through the bad negative yelling screaming phases and all the disgusting things then you are a true one of a kind person that should not be taken for granted or not lose that person.
God, if he exists, loves me so much that he gave me a congenital hearing impairment. Then he gave me an ugly face so I would find it difficult, if not impossible, to find a partner and would have to suffer endless rejection. Then he gave me a weight problem and a metabolism that makes it impossible for me to lose any weight and somehow, maybe become even a tiny bit attractive to women. Yep, God loves me alright. Some people are single for years because of unwanted outsiders always melding and pro-shaping their life with out that single person even knowing.
Thus, everything because fake, distorted and and that unwanted catagory becomes more of a state of mind and brain washed and scared for life. I m single and hadnt a good sence about that,all Human fears had been taged on singles! There seems to be a particular pattern-I meet a girl, she likes me, she turns out to be selfish and verbally abusive. And many times its happened.
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Should I seek a specific therapist? Is it too late for me? Any suggestions would be appreciated. Part of that is due to desperation. There are other people out there. As a woman who has been single for years, I understand the idea of just jumping in with the first available or in some cases, unavailable person who likes us. Society no longer places emphasis on marriage, yet human nature is burning for partnerships. Take what you can get within reason, and accept it. I wish the majority would think more like you. It would also cut mental illness in half if people were less pressured to get in to relationships.
This list is awful and vindictive. There is always an underlying reason. In my culture in an European country , families take care of each other even when married or in a relationship. If a man does not understand that, then there would be no men. My point- there ARE men out there who would be understanding enough that you care for your sick parent, and may love and appreciate you even more for doing so.
It could mean your job will still be there and probably even better performed when you have someone there who gives you much needed support. Not a single one. Being devoted to God also means submitting to him and his teachings. But no— having a loving relationship means loving, but weird. If people think that about you, perhaps they need to read the advice columns here. There are a lot of people who stay single for religious choices. There are a lot who stay single for personal choices that are valid. I function on the job and I come home to my pets and my life.
I spend time on occasion with friends and acquaintances, but not romantic ones. I also fear that if I date again I might slide back into that terrible unfulfilling life I had when I was younger, the one where I spent all of my energy on romantic love and none of it on my family and my career and myself. I romantic interest would have to start by somehow reassuring me that the person was going to make my life better somehow not upset it. My ex and I broke up when my daughter was 3. Anyways, you explained exactly how I feel.
I used to sabotage my relationships after my divorce in I got remarried in to the man of my dreams. It was more than that. I did the necessary work to have him enter my life. I know that if you are open to it, it will happen for you. I can share with you the steps I did to make it happen. Can you share the steps you took with me? I have heard that things happen when we are not looking. How can a person want something but yet not be looking? Because no men are interested in women my age 50s.
Definitely all by their 40s. Men were not interested in me even when I was in my 20s. It has taken me 30 some years to get to be ok with my station in life. Life dealt me these cards. I am ok finally with my lot. They are not saying that there are not people that do stay single for their religion….
What about a child? Single parents often find themselves very isolated…. And not every potential partner understands the demands of a single parent or a person who is a carer for an aging parent or perhaps disabled sibling or even a disabled spouse. Life can be very complicated. One of the reasons to go to college is so you can get a job that pays well enough to supply your food and shelter needs. Some people without an education have to work multiple jobs to barely scrape by. This leaves them exhausted and lacking time to nurture a relationship as well.
At least when someone gets a degree, they may finally have more time for a relationship after getting a job in their field of study. This response was exactly what I was looking for! I struggle with being single at my age while refusing to accept the choice that I have made. Earning my PhD is simply more important to me than marriage. Thanks for your comment! It makes me feel so much better. Please reread the Bible. I look after an aged parent; my mum.
What women wants go out with a guy who looks after and lives with his mum?! I lived 14 years away from my mum and when circumstances forced me to go back and look after I intended it would be for about 2 years however circumstances for varies reasons made feel obliged to stay.
I certainly did not want to! Also my parents divorced when I was My father remarried and divorced again my brother married a divorcee and divorced. My best female friend at the moment is my dog. Yet at the end of the day your furry canine friend is the most well-behaved and loyal being on the planet. My ex was obsessed with her dog. She liked dogs more then people it was a major scapegoat she used to keep herself from dealing with reality and facing problems. Hi Al, I think a decent and kind woman would be fine with it, especially if she likes her own space.
I did not know all this about myself but it makes so much sense, and I feel empowered with the knowledge. I need part II. I want a do over! Now, not many available men my age, in these neck of the woods, who are interested in someone my age, and the kids are a long gone dream. But, sigh, what could have been. I learned more about myself from this one article than countless sessions from a couple of unhelpful therapists.
Firestone is going to expand on a lot of the ideas she mentions in this article.
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Love is ageless Yvette. Be careful what you wish for and passionate about what you already possess and you will shine for all to witness! Be well and never give up! M…Well,what about Gods timing in your life? I never read in the Bible that true love has a certain age. My one teacher got married at And yes,read of so many who got married first time over 50 and older. Is that perhaps His timing?
I hope so for me. I will say a prayer about us. I wanted the divorce. Yikes Gods time makes sense. At 42 I have lost all interest in men except as friends. If God had wanted me to marry, he would have sent someone when I was 22 and actually wanted to be married. That would be locking the barn door after the horse was dead. I get social needs met from friends, family of origin, and my church.
As for other needs, I wonder if I even have them anymore.
Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single
I have a guy who is pursuing me from 6 years!!! And a guy I know from a year who I have a huge crush love??? Too scary even to admit … but he might be dating someone , we also have electrifying chemistry!!! Oh and my best friend of ten years and me are very attached to each other in a way that resulted in our breakups with our respective partners few years ago. I must be a case study. The number that hit me like a bring was going home watching your show. Not putting yourself out there. I can really see i need to make an effort to put myself out there alot more. No blaming other things, building the walls.
When asked about it i respond, there is to mush there to tear down. Instead i need to be honest with myself and figure it out. First article that has hit home so hard. My grandfathers 68 and recently married after 26 years of being alone. Also my father 58 is engaged after 12 years alone.. Point is its never to late to find someone who makes you happy. Honestly I trully feel that people should marry have kids and be at that family point of life in their 40s or later.. They think they know what they want, until it proves to be a false hope.
Love patience understanding all come with age. Men in many cases are still dogs, they search for pussy and are fulfilled once its found for a minute the divorce rate is so high because of men claiming love to get laid, followed by child, marriage, loss of attraction both physical and mental , degeneration of communication and therefore trust. After sharing so much and the jading on both sides continue because regardless of all of it they are linked by their child.. They wonder how to open up again.. Hence this article on reasons, fear is the biggest.. Spend it on new friends, if your lucky that one friend who stands to you may share the attraction and from that base you forge a new relationship.
But the classic saying still stands. Good friends are hard to find. I believe we get to know ourselves and figure out what brings us joy. When we get into friendships and relationships, we can then specifically ask for what we need and desire. And, of course, listen to others and give back to them as well. No real original thought here and it seems more like propaganda for mon-hog-ami!
Fear for even a slight criticism. I did many different jobs due to the same reason. Because I was not able to bear it. A single word, Look, Reaction makes me run away and it makes a disaster for me and my employer too. I am very innovative and yes… very smart employee and they all knew it. Demanding unlimited love and affection. Though i know its very bad idea. Love cannot be earned. Of cause romantic people tend to break easily once they feel and see other person is not romantic as he is.
Diplomacy works better than romance. Romantic men are very sharp and sensitive from inside despite of how they look logical and smart when they walk alone in the street. If you are too enthusiastic and imaginative, be careful as your mind is fertile. No matter how much you love her. For a beginner, it may be too advanced. But its worth reading. I am 36 and never had a girlfriend. I am not gay Just the thought of finding someone, to settle down, to have a family never crosses my mind.
I never see a need to. I like your comment Dan very true. I was married for over 40 years and got divorced last year. I now moved and started a new life in a different area. Joined local activities and clubs which I go to most days. My well being and mental health as improved and I feel 20 years younger. You must life your life the way you think fit not everyone wants to subscribe to main-stream views and lifestyles.
Good luck with your life good health and happiness. I hate how society tries to mold people into stereotypes. I love women but I also like having my own space. Personally, I find it difficult to relate to most people in general. I want to remain single because i have been cheated plus i am a religious guy.. And nowadays no girl is religious , they are just immature who love to booze and sleeping around before marriage.
And i am virgin and celibate. Yep, typical Indian male mentality mindset. You just want a perfect girl naari to drop on to your lap without moving a muscle. Dating is not for insecure men. And for some people love means something else, like their career, and till the end they are just happy that way. The question is what can I do to change and how? Well i certainly do blame God for my singleness, and i never asked for God to put me on this rotten earth to begin with. Loneliness is no fun at all, and when your friends are settled down with their own life which makes it worse for us.
I have the same view but about men. My ex husband alcoholic gambler. My first expartner dumped me for a younger one and left me with his debts to pay. That one truly broke my heart. My second and last ex partner abused me verbally and physically. He stole things from me when leaving. I understand how you feel, Just remember looks are the number one reason people become attracted to each other, next of course is money, so if you have a college degree and a great paying job you will never be lonely again, most women are looking for these factors, in addition go to the gym and get in great shape, all these things will increase your chances of some woman liking you, It is considered a trade off, you get what you want and they get what they want.
Hang in there, life is not fair and it is not our fault that god allows some people to be blessed with looks and others to be ugly. It is about time that someone admitted that looks initially causes someone to be attracted to someone else. When one person first meets another it is impossible for them to be attracted by personality, only looks.
If you are ugly like myself, especially as a woman, then you will remain single in spite of wanting to be in a relationship. I totally understand how u feel. My vice was binge eating. Thats how i coped with all my anxiety and depression. Ive been see o ng a therapist for 3 years, and she has helped me from hell and back twice. Im now making an effort to live a healthy lifestyle mentally, and physically.
We are our worst enemy. Start journaling to let your anger out. Now i have less anger d y e to journaling and 2 mile walks everyday. I feel at peace with myself and finally value my life. Hang in there you will get it, just talk to your doctor and be honest towards yourself. I had to let some people know how i felt, it wasnt easy but you will get the courage to eliminate whats toxic in your life. If you lack a social group that can fix you up — as most singles do — then you have to consider other options. Most of my friends come from college.
Like I said, there has to be a context. Yes i go out because i have to go out to work, i meet different people in that area because i work as a tax collector and a cashier. I have now been alone for 36 years. Because I want to be. I was married before plus in relationships but I much rather cook if I feel like it, eat what and when I want, sit at the computer all day if I want and not have to pry the TV remote from a mans fingers to watch a program that I like!
I get the recliner or the couch, I get to sleep in the middle of the bed and I can leave my pajamas on all day if I want. And the best part is not having to listen to anyone soul talking about themselves all day long. I am a 34 year old single guy. I am East Indian. I think my culture has a lot to do with why I am single.
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I am particularly attracted to white women blond hair, blue eyes, or black hair, brown eyes. I am not attracted to black women unless they have that mulatto look like Zoe Saldana. Sorry, no offense to black women. I guess beauty is skin deep. I also live in a small town where there are few single women. To me, a single woman who has children represents extra baggage in a relationship. I guess I am a bit picky on the type of partner I desire. Since I am well educated, I would like a woman who is also well-educated university material.
To me, children behave and are raised better, when the mother is well educated and emphasizes learning in the home. I have three university degrees and I have a wonderful job that pays me very well. With what I earn, I have been able to travel to many different countries that many of my colleagues have not been able to and I have been thankful to God for everything he has given me. I have also tried to be more proactive and get involved with different things in my community.
I am also planning to join karate and do some boxing and so meet more people in the community that I would not normally meet. I have sent many messages to at least 50 women and I got two emails back. I think it is only common courtesy for these women to reply back after you have emailed them. If they are not interested in your profile, they should at least type a one-liner and let you know. Sometimes this really gets me down, I feel frustrated and need to vent to someone. Also afraid to talk to my parents, as they are a bit judgemental.
Looking for any further suggestions as I would really like to settle down and be a happily married man in a long term relationship. You seem like a good man…like a lot of the good men out there that are still single. I am going to tell you something that most here or anywhere do not want to admit.
That is, some people are just not meant to have a partner. It is like the animal kingdom were the alpha animals get the females. Women are driven by a natural desire to be with the alpha males. Fact of the matter is this…if you are not looking for a plain looking, chubby woman, you are not ever going to get married. I am not trying to be mean…just stating the truth. I too am educated, financially set one blessing from very little dating or women in my life , pleasant personality, and every girls best friend at work.
However, I always get turned down on dates from single woman whether they be from work, grocery store, online, etc because I am not good looking, somewhat chubby, and balding. I am 35 and have just about thrown in the towel on ever finding love. I find that single woman my age are even more disgruntled about being single than I am.
Most I meet have also given up and prefer to just be single in their comfort zone. I am about there myself. Also, I am less motivated to find someone as I get older because just as I am getting more unattractive with age, so are all the middle aged women. I am just less attracted to them and refuse to be with someone I am not attracted to. So, with that said, I cannot be bitter about the fact that women are not attracted to me.
That is life my friend. I find comfort in everything else I have accomplished and truly feel that you have to make peace with the situation and focus instead on the positive aspects of your life. I have a lot to be happy about. I am very lucky in many other ways.
I thank God for that. I recently got a boxer dog and she is a great companion. She loves me unconditionally, wants to hang out with me, waits by the door for me to come home when I am out of the house, and cannot access my bank account. I retire from the military in 4 years, have saved since the age of 16 and have started construction on my dream home. Once retired age 40 , I will spend the rest of my life indulging in my hobbies. It would be nice to have a women to share it all with, but I move forward happy…regardless. Focus on the positives. Very well articulated Bill.
You state the truth with no apprehensions. Might I add…I am Have a decent job 19 year firefighter with a major southern city , and yes…I am single. I am always polite, and consider myself a southern gentleman. I can easily get laid…. However, my expectations are not that I expect a 24 yr old pretty girl to be commited to me. But I find that being quite courteous and generous with my money , that I can easily find an attractive bed partner. I can never keep them for long however…lol. What I have found…is this.
This also happens with females of my own age. Again…I will say it…Woman say they want a nice guy…. Niceness gets me laid…. If it makes you feel any better, some of us pretty, ambitious, 24yo prefer nice gentlemen who are in their 40s so long as we have things in common, like passion. I find myself wanting to discuss world events with him or just hear his perspectives on different issues. It could also be that you sound very shallow and contradict yourself with what you want.
If you want pretty blonde white women with a university degree, they are not going to want to stay home and make sure the children are well educated at home as you indicated. No guy ever approaches me, I laugh, I smile, I am friendly and honest and nope all the compliments come from women. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent. I feel you, Mandy. When in actual fact, I feel lonely, depressed and hopeless. The thought that I still have not given myself to a man means I am truly ugly and a loser and a piece of dirt.
God is cruel how can he love me if he made me ugly and unwanted. He wants me all to himself or he is the only one that loves me what a complete jerk he is.
Day Eleven: Why I’m Still Single (The Ugly Truth)
I hate this I hate this so much. I feel like screaming! My one true love dumps me. So what is wrong with me? I am a CBT therapist yet struggle to even practice what I preech. I thought I had found someone, someone who would be a great partner in life. He has is own fears and let those fears take over the relationship. I fear that I will be alone forever. I live in a small town in a rural part of Idaho. I like where I live however, I fear that by staying here I will be lessening my chances of finding someone because its so small and the man-child capital of the state.
I fear being left again, I fear being left and I fear I will continue down this road of dating misery, forever! I creating my single life destiny, a self fulfilled prophecy? I am single 36 yr old woman. I am extremely shy and introvert. I am scared and overthink everything. I thought i was pretty but now i understand i am not. I am obese, very short, with thinning hair, pot belly, an overbite , bulbous protruding squinty eyes and a teeth gap. My father and brother r alcholics and i have lived watching them fight and abuse my mom and sis in law. I am over qualified. I have a postgraduate degree and dictorate and a high level job.
I believe i dont deserve to be on top. These r a few of the reasons why i am single. I feel sad and hurt and ashamed when i see my neice and nephews getting married and having kids. I came across this article and said…wow! I ask myself every day or so, why did God leave me alone? I am so angry sometimes I could scream!!! I read somewhere that serial killer Charles Manson married while he had been incarcerated, yet there seems to be no one in the free sane world for me? There is light at the bottomless pit of singleness for me. I have decided to adopt a baby: For those singles who want a family, take a deep breath and let it go, along with the burden of being single.
Create your own story that does not end with you dying alone. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!! I get so tired of the have faith phrase. I have even tried dating sites. Trying to figure out what have I done so bad that has cost me ever having the love of my life…even down to questioning does GOD really love me? I mean the Strongest desire I have right now is to be married. I am praying for GOD to take that desire away. I wanna be free from it if it is not his plan for my life. The hardest part, for me, is not being single. I can actually appreciate certain moments of my singleness now.
Like the weight I no longer feel waiting on some guy to call or show up or make me feel worthy. And those days of playing detective, only to uncover the ugly truths I never really wanted to face, are gone. THAT is the hardest part about being single for me. To have had love. An unconditional, honest, pure, and beautiful love.
And to have been too young and stupid to have appreciated it. They say if you have chemistry you only need one other thing: But timing is a bitch. So here I am, single. Not at all how imagined my life would be at I imagine I could have been happily married with a kid or two by now. Instead, I chose to walk away from the love of life. I guess I thought I could do better. I was only 19 when we met and 27 by the time I ended things. I thought I might have been missing out on other options.
I wanted to know what else was out there. That was my biggest mistake and if I could go back in time and take it all back I would. In a single heartbeat. Enough to know that my soulmate is the one man I left behind at And now he is with someone else and I put him there.
Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? If you ask me, no way. What they failed to mentioned was that your heart will break every day, over and over again, searching for the love it once felt only to come back empty every time. Mandy, you spoke not only your heart, but the heart of myself and pretty much every other single woman.
Your fears are my fears. As much I love your positivity and encouragement, which has uplifted and kept me going many days, I adore your vulnerability in also sharing the ugly truth. Positivity can bring us together, but it is the bare common ground that binds us and reminds us we are not alone.
Being single is scary and when I see a happy couple i feel like crying. Am so scared that il die single. At 38 I have never experienced true love. Surprisingly after being disappointed the whole of my life, I still believe in love. What is wrong with me? Im the one stood waiting for her friends only to find out they have left with the guy i was bypassed by. I can completely relate. Single still at almost Left my abusive husband back in and wound up dating the same kind of jerk until when I realized I deserved better and decided to take a break.
I am horrible on myself. Thank you for posting this Mandy…. I divorced my husband after 20 years of him struggling with sexual desires and then being physically abusive to our son. You are such an inspiration in this interesting, crazy, sometimes lonely, but still forging ahead journey called the single life. Nashville is on my bucket list of places to visit and when I get there I would love to meet you!
Thank you for your post. I relate a lot to what you said — pretty much everything you said. I was writing a blog entry the other day about a funeral I attended for a family member and I was thinking about how that side of my family was dwindling pretty fast. Then I was thinking about how my own side of my family pretty much ends with me. I have a sister, but I feel like that is their own part of the family that they get to carry on.
I will be carrying on nothing. I feel pretty sad about it. I just want to be me, with my strong faith and my huge sci-fi geek side. I want to be the grad student and the one who enjoys a young adult novel. The one who uses Facebook to keep up with friends but to also play social games. You make me wanna cry and hug you. This is me as well. The kid thing is getting to me more and more everyday. Being 32 and single has been very hard. Harder than I expected are willing to normally admit.
I see no flaws in anything you mentioned, rather perfection. I am almost 39 and 21 months ago I decided, after years of thought and prayer, to take matters into my own hands and had an appointment at a fertility clinic. It may always just be the two of us, but he is the greatest loves story of my life. Someday I may be a wife but, if not, thank god a precious little boy calls me mommy. This was God sent. This journey have many ugly heads. I know I wont end up alone, But being single and 35 is not a game. I just want to hug you.
I know how hard it probably was to write this, because that fear of judgement is REAL. I wrote a similar entry on my blog about a month ago and I was terrified to press submit. But I did, because someone needed what I wrote. Today, I needed what you wrote. I love how God works things out!
Anyway, thank you for your honesty. But you know that the men are not perfect either!! Marriage is 2 imperfect people focusing on the good in each other more than the bad. It really resonated with me. Thank you for reminding to embrace these moments. You continue to be an inspiration, Mandy! Thank you Mandy for sharing! I can relate to each and every word! All we can do is simply live this single life to the fullest.
Wow, I can totally relate to everything you said. Reality is hitting home and I deal. I too am mid thirties and single and can so relate. Sometimes we can even become obsessed with the single status. But I try to live this time to my fullest as a writer blogger and traveler. We aRe here for a reason. Very excellent and very honest blog, Mandy! I feel the same feelings you feel about being single. Keep your head up and keep encouraging other single women in their walk with the Lord.
Thank you for being so brave. Thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for writing this post and tackling this question. You seem to be writing everything that I am currently feeling. It gets very hard at times, but I usually try to stay optimistic. My previous bad choices in men have made me question myself, and I also had a man to basically tell me something similar to what you were told. That was years ago but I realize now that it really effected me. I really have a huge issue with being 26 and a single mom…..
My ex telling me if I was just this or that we would work…. Kayla, you are enough for YOU and your son. What your ex is looking for is someone to fill the voids in his own life. No one can do that but him, so let him do that work himself. Thanks for writing this article Mandy, I try to stay positive and keep busy. But in those moments when I am alone in my bed I have those same thoughts. I am ugly, too fat, too nice and no one will ever want to be married with me. I throw myself a pity party, cry myself to sleep. Its not easy being alone or single, but I would much rather be single than in a miserable relationship.
This made me cry. Every day I think I am doomed to wander this earth by myself. Just last night I was boo hooing because my kids were gone and I was all by myself at home washing clothes. Thank you for your honesty. I feel that I am a very loving, compassionate, caring woman that I feel is pretty nice looking wondering why God would make me this way and not give me someone to share my life with.
You too are very beautiful, thoughtful and just wonderful. Thank you for your message. I love this post. And LOL, I am still single at Married for 23 years…miserably…and slowly getting to where I want to be. The truth is, we all have those doubts. We all want to be what we see presented in magazines and movies.
And we are all flawed. As are many of the men out there. I want a partner…an equal…So I keep on living my amazing, wonderful life and maybe some day, in my travels, I will meet someone interesting enough, secure enough, funny enough and smart enough to make ME take a double look.
So, carrying on and being me! I feel like these were the words right out of my own head! I never expected to be here at this stage in life as a still-single woman! This is exactly how I feel. Waited 5 years after second divorce to date, to get myself together, to learn to forgive and trust. Dated and then got into another bad relationship. Another man I was going to help to love me. I can definitely relate to this. Mandy — Single at 36, and can completely relate to everything in your post. It scares me sometimes thinking about what will happen when I get old — who will take care of me and love me… I put up a brave face and try to enjoy the good sides of it, like travelling or taking up jobs far away from home.
But deep inside yes I do feel the void. Have you sneaked inside my brain.
Your words read like everything I think I agree with Jenn. Spent most of my 20s being silly and praying my period would arrive. I am 37 single with no kids with a raft of what if and if only. I will keep reading your blog realising. None of us in this boat are alone xxx. This is so timely. I am older than you and my husband left after 10 years of marriage.
I may just remain single which may not be a bad thing. This article has hit the nail on the head. No more self hate talk! I do the same thing! Always wishing for something! More money, bigger boobs, less fat, whiter teeth, more time, more laughter. Always on the run, waiting for something in the future and wishing today away. Today starts a new approach. Living in the moment with my eyes on Christ! Keeping our eyes on Him lets us walk on water!!! But rather, too much pep talk annoys me. And you just answered why. The bible says that we have this treasure Christ in us , in earthen vessels our bodies.
I personally believe that you got to have those days that you feel weary. And I often found that during these times the Lord catches me best. As a 35 soon to be 36 year old woman, I totally relate to this post. Please give yourself some grace in this area. Thanks for sharing and I hope the readers that can relate to this post encourage you to just keep on your journey being exactly who you are.
To friends around those of us going through divorce, be it currently or 5 years ago, I ask for patience. It takes a lot of time to work through all of the detritus of divorce. And with a kiddo in the mix? Thank you for peeling back some layers and showing the ugly truth. And yes, I agree that we do need to be open and honest about the ugly parts too. I refuse to whine, wallow or any of that about being single. Not everything about it is bad.
“Why Am I Still Single?” 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single
Not by any stretch. I can barely see through my tears to type this. I know it never will. No man can be serious enough or even know what they want for the future. Well done on being brave enough to face the turmoil inside, even though you may not feel strong right now. Your fear is so totally understandable. I myself need medication, too, and many days I still fight to be grateful and hopeful The ONLY hopeless situation is one in which you give up. I just see from your post that you have or are considering giving up on a search for hope at all.
Let me say that again: But we are ultimately responsible for opening our hands and accepting the good things God has put in place for us. The help we lonely people need does require us to stand up, pick up a phone, and talk to someone. Single at 41…soon to be Struggling with being single.
Two failed marriages wrong men , one serious relationship that failed and almost destroyed me I felt he was my true love , and most recently a year casually dating a guy that was not ready but I kept on with him thinking I could make him get there by being totally into him. I was myself from the start but not a fit for him. I feel like it was outward thing about me and what I do for work , not to mention location of where I live as to why he has distanced himself from me.
Have I not picked up on the hints he is dropping? Life not going as I dreamt that it would. They want the benefits of a relationship but not the stress of one and plenty of women to give it to them. This goes for both men and women. Single life is not rewarding.
You said every single thing that a single woman in the 30s could think inside and coild say outside thank you for these totally meaningful words. Thank you for this post! I am 39 and still looking for the one. The one who will not only accept my imperfections but embrace them. I constantly put on my suit of armour and tell people just how great my life is. I have a great job, my own place and an adorable dog. But inside all I want is someone to come home to at the end of the day….. I giggled when you said some days you think anyone will do. I myself am 39 and have said that many times. Best of luck to you!
Dear Mandy Where do we go from here? How do we change our attitudes so that we can be open to Love again. I do believe we have created barriers for ourselves and have become stuck in a rut for fear of heartbreak. I am almost 53 and single for 14 years. This is getting boring but how do we leave our comfort zones? I think I may be in Love with someone but too afraid to tell him and besides this crush I have had for 11 years could be my way of staying single as a defense mechanism. He has shown no interest although he comes across as shy and flustered when he sees me.
Strange how we can let time slip by… almost unnoticed. The ugly truth needs to be exposed so we can heal and allow ourselves to be truly cherished the way we deserve to be loved. Your story is precisely my experience … people compliment me all the time… I am the only person that does not believe I am beautiful — bless your heart Mandy — let go and let God. Lately the guys that I meet end up being immature, have too many problems or are just overall losers. You inspire me everyday to be a strong independent woman. The right guy will come along for all us.
I know… It will happen! I forgot to include that it would be awesome to meet you and would be awesome for all of us single ladies here to get together! He tells us not to be anxious in anything to trust in Him to supply all our needs. When I feel lonely, I will pray and God will give me a sign that he hears me. The more we force the issue the more we will be disappointed. And in the mean time have fun with your lives and continue to keep the faith!! Maybe I focused too much on school and then on my job. Maybe I was too driven and my tunnel vision kept me from meeting Mr Right at that frat party I passed on in order to get some more study time in.
This spoke the truth like nothing else I have read. Its nice to know I am not alone even if I am single lol. Thank you for writing this! I needed this today because I was starting to feel really lonely but I learned to embrace my loneliness and deal with it. It helps to be truthful with yourself and not feel like you have to have an answer to being single. This is a great article and I feel like it completely describes me in every way.
Thank you for writing the TRUTH so that all of us that have these fears that we may not discuss to others know that we are not alone and that it is ok to feel like this. Things have been real tough the past few weeks but by the grace of God, I know He has greater things set aside for each of us.
Our best days are yet to come! This was exactly what I needed to read.. I love the honesty and I have felt these emotions so many times. I hate being asked that question because I take the tone as what is wrong with you. But I have hope because I met someone a couple months ago. But at 32 I almost feel like I have preconditioned myself to expect failure.
I guess it amounts to getting out of our own way and letting things develop. But sometimes someone stumbles in our path when we least expect it and accept us flaws and all. Well guess what, being single is hard too. Dating is definitely NOT what it used to be. So, I pick myself up again and each time I wonder if this it… The last time I will go through that familiar pain.
Thanks Mandy I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for sharing this. But the bottom line is we are human. We have wants, needs, and desires. So what am I learning? So thank you-for sharing your thoughts. Thanks for the honesty. Overcoming our self-doubt can be harder sometimes than dealing with rejection or criticism from others. One thing that has helped me is to try to talk to myself as if I were talking to a friend.
I would never tell a friend she was worthless or no one would ever want to be with her, but I tell myself that — even though I am a wonderful being and know that God made me who I am on purpose, with a purpose. It can be a daily struggle. Wow, this is exactly what I am going through. I have said all these things to myself. I have been praying and doing a lot of meditating. But still hard some days. I needed to read this right now. Weeping not sure of the reason and feeling tired of being lonely behind closed doors so that I do not allow anyone to see my struggle , I get tired of hiding the fact this process is difficult.
Mandy, I appreciate this…you describe exactly how I feel. No divorces and no kids. Mind you, he pursued me. So, I accept it. We are in this together. My son is And barely how to talk to guys. I have been trying to step out of my comfort zone, but I feel so drowned by fear. I was rejected for everything I was. I feel your pain. Getting past these fears are a serious struggle. I really love what you wrote. I am 38 39 in September a single mom, once engaged but never married. I too try to stay positive but its difficult.
I appreciate all of the ladies here who expressed their feelings and you Mandy for having this blog available for us. My wish is that we all find the true, honest, loving relationships we long for. Love and blessings to all of you. Thank you for sharing these very real thoughts and emotions. My heart literally hurts and I struggle to find happiness. Just yesterday I had a coming apart with God. I so desperately needed this post today. Looking amazing, wonderful size 8, thank you Pilates! I also love Jesus. I have fabulous friends. I attend an incredible church. I own my own company.
I love so many things, all of which I enjoy. I am involved in just about every way I can be…. Prayer, tears, and fighting the good fight each day, to claim my life as God intends and accept His will. He never promised happiness. His plan is bigger than my pain. I am weary of it and yet each day, I rise and thank Him again. You are not alone. I want so desperately to be a partner in a marriage. I have strong faith and know God has a plan in it all.
Ever had these thoughts about someone you are dating? Too many of my friends are finding themselves there now too. His views helped me establish my own standards regarding marriage. I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain my theory on Christian dating. That will never happen. I believe that God pairs us up with people that complement the gifts, talents, and personalities that He has given us — if we let Him. I have found this to be true in my own life. The guys I dated before I began dating my husband were not all bad guys.
In fact, most of them had many good qualities. We genuinely cared about each other and had fun together. In other relationships, I began to think that some of the things I had wanted in a husband were perhaps more wishful thinking than things that could actually be. Did those caring, sensitive, funny, godly men really exist? For instance, one guy that I dated was a very nice guy. But although he said his faith was important to him, attending church and reading the Bible were not high on his priority list. But I began to notice subtle patterns that bothered me.